Burned-In Memories

Everyone may not be the same as me (there's the understatement of the century), but I'm guessing that some of you have this same "phenomena" in your life…

I don't remember much from being younger (like before high school age), but there are a lot of burned-in memories and images from years ago that remain very vivid. The majority of my memories are very vague and generalized, but these memories are different - they are very vivid and I can recall them easily, and they usually pop into my head at very random moments. Along with this, they are so random, that I have NO idea why they would have stuck in my memory so well. Usually these vivid ones involve me being confused, but most of them just seem pointless…like remembering a dance one girl did for a talent show, remembering a game some of my friends played outside, remembering some odd question that a person asked me…etc, etc. I'm sure that some of you have these random, vivid recalls in your mind - of people or places that now seem pretty pointless to remember so well that it is like a DVD is playing in your mind.

The reason I bring up these random memories that are for some reason burned into our minds is because sometimes we LEAVE these memories in other people's minds. I can guarantee you that a lot of these random vivid recalls in my brain involve people that I have completely lost contact with over the years. I'm sure that if I told these memories to these people, most of them wouldn't even remember the events! That brings me to my main point for you today - think of what things you might be leaving in the memories of those around us? What passing words might you be leaving in other people's minds? Memories that they may recall 20 years later with amazing clarity? And better yet - what kind of an impression is this leaving with people? You may be leaving someone with a vivid recall of painful words…or…you may be leaving them with positive words that will completely alter their future perception of the world or themselves.

This blog subject is going to be a two part series - today's series is going to involve a few negative recalls (which will involve me doing the negative work, sadly). Here we go:

I have two very amazing friends that will be involved in these stories, one of them is one of my best friends, and the other is her husband. For some reason, at various points in my life, various friends have been kind enough to take the time to describe me as well as my personality while in my presence…what I learned from these two friends about myself during one of these instances has been very eye opening (to say the least).

The first negative memory that I left was in my friend's husband's memory - this memory that he recalls is an instance when I was being bossy (I guess I was demanding to drink some of my friend's pop, or as he quotes: "I'm going to drink some of that"). He's described this scene to me recently (within the past year or so), and he said that he was so freaked out by what I did that he thought I was a really mean person. In general, he says that it made him completely wary of being around me, and frankly - he probably could have cared less if he was ever around me again at that point. This happened during sophomore year of high school, and he had known me for a few years before this time, but obviously he didn't have a definite pre-conceived idea about my personality - so this comment of mine and this situation stuck in his head and gave him a negative idea about who I was.

The second negative memory is from my friend, who is now married to him… and at the time of this memory, which would be freshmen or sophomore year of high school, I mentioned to her that I thought it was dumb to date someone throughout all of high school. First of all, I don't know why I would have been discussing this with her, since we weren't really close friends at that point, and secondly, I don't know why I would have mentioned this to someone who was in a 'serious' relationship (they had already been dating since 8th grade, so it would have been 1 or 2 years of them dating by this point). Either way, my comment stuck with her and made her feel uncomfortable around me - since she was always feeling like I was judging her for still remaining in a long-term high school relationship.

Shockingly, both of these people gave me a second chance and during our senior year I became very close to them. Even more shocking, she forgave me for my comment regarding dating throughout all of high school, and I was asked to be in their wedding (which I, of course, accepted).

Now, I don't recall either of their memories. I'm sure I said what both of them claim I did, but I don't remember it at all. Either way, I left these negative footprints behind myself, and it has made me wonder what negative footprints I have left behind in other places? With these two friends, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to make up for my mistakes…but there are surely other people out there who have a bad experience with me that I cannot make up for any longer.

This really makes me think about how I treat others today, as well as how others see me treating those around me. I know I will leave more negative footprints as time goes on, sadly - it's only human, but at least with a greater awareness, I can hopefully leave more positive memories with people rather than the negative. How about you? What footprints have you left behind? And are your negative out-weighing the positive?

For tomorrow - the positive footprints.

Psalm 130
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.